The ceremonial space held by Jacob, Meriel, and Daniel, made me feel confident and safe, and facilitated a deep connection to develop between all of the participants. The preparations leading up to taking the Ayahuasca, in particular the Yoga Nidra lead by Meriel, really helped to clear my mind and put me in a space of readiness.
I really felt safe and seen and also given the space to flow in my individual way with the medicine with Jacob and Mireille as Facilitators.
Im looking forward to the next round
Helene Nadiya Allvin
First of all, I must thank Jacob, Daniel, David and Mierelle for an experience that words cannot even come close to describe. And thanks to all of you who helped by sharing your experiences!
As I said, so I really cannot find the right words to describe my experience over the weekends ceremonies, but damn, it has done a lot for me!
I think I have spent my whole life trying to fit in. Then I encounter a group of people I had never met, on an island I had never heard of. And I feel like a part of the group. In a great way! Despite differences of color and background. For once I was met with mutual respect and understanding, and just accepted for who I am. Just me for me! No labels, no boxes, no prejudice!
Thanks for making me feel at home and thanks for showing me that it does not always need to be either black or white!
It gives me a little hope that the world can become a better place! I wish everyone were like you, Jacob, Mierelle, Daniel and David! So you wouldn’t always have to start from a bad start, when we meet new people.
From the heart thanks to you all.
Hope to see you again and share more good and bad moments together.
The warmest greetings from Adil!
Citizen of Planet Earth
When Mireille and Jacob walked through the door, and met me with their heart warmth and spaciousness, the rest of the remaining nervousness disappeared and the journey could then slowly begin. I felt that I was ready, positive and in no doubt about that this was the right thing to do.
After some relaxation, we got our cup of shamanic tea and I sat down comfortably to check in for the journey that I had prepared myself for a couple of weeks.
The first, what I believe was 15-20 min, I was waiting for a reaction. It starts with me feeling a strange feeling in my feet and hands, then the stomach makes a little fuss and nausea sets in.
Nausea does not result in vomit, but decreases and goes into a spinning in the head and then it feels like I’m being put on a high-speed train that shoots off with lightning speed and before I can think about where I am going I end up in a giant dome of colors and abstract patterns that melt together and pull apart again. Nothing makes sense to me and strangely enough, right there in full consciousness of what I see I remind myself that I shall I remember It and tell about it, but I regret my thought and let myself fly around.
I fall out of the dome and land softly on my mattress where I try to open my eyes without success. The lights start overtaking the picture and become stronger when I feel a hand and a voice asking me “are you alright Aleks?”
After a fierce battle, I manage to open my eyes and see Mireille kneeling beside me and holding my hand and it feels like silk was wrapped around it. The light around her becomes really sharp and beautiful and it takes speed, but I cannot keep up and I close my eyes again to focus on my journey.
Then there is nothing visual, however my skin begins to almost vibrate as if it was subject to a vibration mat just under the skin. For a long time, I could not understand why I could not visually see, but then it hit me !! Aleks you’ve asked yourself to start feeling yourself again and get in touch with your feelings and it dawned on me, that that was what the vibration was.
During the trip, I got another 2 cups and every time I felt I slowly was coming back to a reality check, fate demanded that Jacob looked at me and offered me another cup to which I had no doubt that I should accept.
I enjoyed to the fullest to feel myself, my skin, my body and my mind become easier, happier and healthier. I drifted in and out of little crying, a little laughing and attention to my constant swaying left arm which almost grasped for something or tried to push something away, which of the two I have not found out yet.
After cup no. 3 I end up in the bathroom to throw up, but I still do not throw up and I am forced to give up despite my eagerness to throw up since I have the feeling that it will loosen up some other things than what I had just put in my head. “I feel cheated by myself” is the feeling I lie back with, but turns it off for it was just not meant that to come out this time. Ergo a prerequisite for another ceremony is now present.
When I wake up from my sleep after the trip, I have a wonderful feeling of well-being and joy throughout my body and find myself chuckling and smiling a lot in the bathroom.
I have a clear sense that a very special person must be aware of my feelings for her, as it is burning me up inside. The day after I tell her, and it has come out of my system, unfortunately it was not immediately reciprocated, but it has come out :-). In the days following, I have been and still are very emotional and can change from laughter to tears in almost a split second.
My journey is not yet over and there will be more ceremonies, because I can feel that it makes a difference, a difference that can make me a more complete and understanding person who emotionally is in balance with body and soul thanks to Aya with the guide and Icaros from Mireille and Jacob. I am very grateful for your spaciousness, directness, honesty and especially charity. All my gratitude and thanks to my three wonderful friends who makes me feel special
had … I was filled with HAPPINESS so great .. I had to let go of my body and let my mind run away with ME .. Let go .. There I found something that no words can satisfy the embrace of the experience. . An eternity awareness, as if we are all one .. Something you say .. But don’t really understand.. until you experience THAT … A common thread in all our small inner struggles on earth and how indifferent they are … Danced with a divine energy .. at some point I jumped in the air with an inhuman lust mixed with the purest love .. and a deletion of all guilt and other bands that you have acquired in society .. EVERYTHING IS OKAY ….. as if all cells were freed after years of captivity .. never thought that I could have such a feast with myself .. My life celebration .. also got a lot of answers and understanding of the people around me .. still have things that there are not are words for.. HAPPILY no vomit.. no shit in the pants .. So Glad that life got me on track by 2 lovely people .. That have dedicated their lives to help and spread the word AYAHUASCA WILL HEAL YOU INSIDE OUT ..
I write to you to say THANK YOU.
I am reborn, enriched and liberated …. From my own shackles and mind. I feared what I might encounter with Aya. My fear was unfounded this time. I got the journey of my life where I just went with everything that was “offered”, although I could also at times “select” a part of my trip. You were in an indescribable way my spiritual “parents” in all corners of my mind … As well as visiting other people’s inner self ….
Pretty freaky ☺ And especially far out in the universe and in total harmony with nature …. ️
Your voices …. your song … Carried me all the way through both happiness, pain, fear, heat, cold, rebirth, merging with the universe, love, darkness and light, and much more …. I had not managed it without your completely divine sound and guidance ….
I feel cleansed …. I feel like I have a new start, a new beginning.
My thoughts are quiet and the few who turn up are very path-showing and quiet.
I do not know how I can thank you enough. It was everything I had hoped for and more. Thank you with more thank you on it.
And so long …. This is just the beginning
I would firstly like to thank Jacob and Mireille, Duane and Mohanad, for creating a great energy in the teepee, and just to be able to be a witness to their dedication, love and hard work on this herbal medicine is something that inspires me with great respect. They manage to create a space where respect for the medication is in focus, and still leaves room for a cozy informal atmosphere. Western shamanism at its best ❤ ?
I want to reach out with warm and heartful thoughts to all of you who participated in the ceremony ❤ ?
Being able to witness all your different experiences with shamanic tea, was as great a part of the magic as my own experiences. Thanks ❤ ?
Where my own experiences are concerned, our human language, as usual, falls short.
I´ve gained new priceless insights about myself, I feel redeemed, I can daily sense the loving transformation I have gone through, and there have been countless of situations later where I could benefit from the insights that have been given to me.
Looking forward to next time, when I once again venture into a room where everything is possible and magic lives ❤ ?
And it was truly an experience!
10 years of chronic back pain and consequent depression, anger, lack of self-worth and absolutely no joy in life, eventually became too much. I had to do something – something drastically different than anything I had previously tried! So, I gave in, when my lovely friend proposed an evening of aya.
In a safe environment, with people I love.
And it became a banquet- exuberant laughter, interrupted by tears, and a fight against various inner demons. And I ‘won’! At least this time around.
I consider still whether I should dig deeper into myself – look further inside and touch my inner being.
I am so glad that I did it – not even years of talking therapy would’ve given me what Aya did – and I am deeply grateful.
A loving thanks to Jacob and Mierelle for giving me the opportunity.
Many thanks to Mireille and Jacob for a great and seminal experience in Borup the 18 of July.
It was my second meeting with shamanic tea – the first time was in Colombia in the winter and was a good but not so powerful experience, this time I was more confident and determined to go all in.
I had prepared myself with a strict diet one week before, where I as far as possible avoided stimuli. Both in the diet, which ended up consisting of rice (unsalted), almonds and water, but also in terms of other sensations, entertainment, strong emotions and other things that seemed exciting. The last two days before the ceremony I fasted completely. This diet in itself gave rise to some rather deep and useful reflections and insights that I have learned.
I was well welcomed by Jacob and Mireille, both of which are very warm and trustworthy people. And quickly felt comfortable in the group of very different but open and friendly people, a few of them were also friends of mine.
There was time to make oneself comfortable and time to organize one´s place in the teepee hut, as one wanted it, and go for a short walk, talk to the others or meditate in the beautiful surroundings. Then there was a meeting with an info- and presentation round, where those who had the desire, shared their intention with the ceremony. The two aides, Duane and Mohanad, helped to create a safe and positive atmosphere.
As someone who has lived most of my youth in different girlfriend relationships, I’ve had a tendency to find purpose in life through my close relationships – to love and be loved and to share my life with a partner. My intention was to learn to find the meaning in myself, without a girlfriend.
I was excited and a bit nervous when we gathered to begin the ceremony. The drinking of aya itself is not exactly a pleasure, but compared to my first time, where the drink was thick and sweetened with honey, which definitely did not do any good, this thin and sharp shot easily slid down – with a slight tang of English licorice
I sat at the foot of my bed and watched the rest of the group, as they were up drinking one after another, and soon I began to feel the effect. It started as a feeling of small muscle spasms in my thighs, which spread to a pulsating sensation in the legs and gradually the entire body. I lay down and enjoyed the feeling with a clear sense that this was going to be a super experience. I was in high spirits, had no nausea and laughed a little by myself as the vibrations in my body became faster, and sometimes I got a wave that shook and tensed all my muscles, tickling in the stomach as a slide and gave me a splash of colors in my inner screen. The colors became stronger and began to form beautiful images, only rare almost Disney-like things with cute animals and sunsets, after some time it hit its peak and did not become any wilder, and I listened to Mireille’s beautiful song, and let myself float with her voice.
After twenty minutes time, I had to pee and decided to get it over with right away rather than lie and keep it in. I managed to safely get on my feet and staggered outside. Began to feel a little nauseous and tried unsuccessfully, to see if I could throw up a little. Instead I looked at the nature around me which looked like itself but the colors and atmosphere was cranked up a bit. I felt the grass and the bark of the big tree and looked at the beautiful night sky. It was great, but I wanted to dig deeper inside myself to work instead of just looking at beautiful things. An assistant had placed himself outside, so there was track of me, and I asked him about the time, and we agreed that it was time that I could ask for a cup more.
After drinking it, I lay with the eye mask on, and soon everything began to take off. The pictures and the song became louder, and I almost did not notice that I was being led deep into my own train of thoughts. In between I became aware that I had a body, and although I thought I had done everything possible in my head, I had in fact just been lying motionless. I tried to get back into my body by activating it, grab with my fingers or move my head a little. I could hear whispering around me and someone who spoke over me, I laughed a bit about it and slipped away into my thoughts again. Then I could hear some of the others vomiting and pondered how much nausea I had myself and whether I should do something about it. But the “mental” nausea in my thoughts was completely separated from my body nausea, and I constantly had to try to get back into my body to check up on how I felt. I was almost lying too comfortably, but agreed with myself that it was probably best not to lie down there, if I suddenly had to vomit and used some time to pull myself together, like when you do not want to leave your warm bed on a winter morning.
When I sat up and opened my eyes, I instantly felt very ill, threw up in my basin and felt really, really miserable. The tears streamed from my eyes and my body shook as in a fever. The puke in my basin looked red, yellow and oily out and formed eerie images in the glow of the fire. I was quite weak and could do nothing, Mireille came and sang for me, but I could not look up further than to the bottom of her rubber boots.
When I had finished throwing up, I slipped back down on the ground and became otherwise just more and more affected. The nausea was soon forgotten, and so was everything else. The next what I would guess was 2-3 hours, but I have no idea, I experienced what one popularly calls “ego-death”. I ceased to exist as an individual. I had no body, no name, no story. I was not unconscious, on the contrary. I felt like I was pure consciousness. I had no idea who or where I was or what we were doing and why. But I was calm and had confidence that there was probably a reason for it. And there I stayed, for a long time. From time to time I could recall some things about myself, my three closest female friends were made abundantly clear to me and I could also remember a few other friends. I also knew that I had drunk something, but I could not remember what, just that it had something to do with the jungle. I thought of my intention and could well remember that there was something with an ex-boyfriend who had hurt me deeply, but it seemed so distant and insignificant that I could not even remember his name, though I really strained myself. The rest of the evening and night featured a lot of good experiences while I slowly recovered myself, beautiful sights, small talks, laughing with the others, a very soft cat, connecting with nature, to feel whole and complete as an individual, and I parked my ex-boyfriend in a box as “someone I’ve learned something from.” And not least, the first meal in two days, which tasted like the best thing ever. As the ceremony closed, and it was time to share ones experiences, I were still very much influenced and lay and half-listened while I slipped back and forth between the room and my mind, and it was not until the early morning, I started to get back down on the ground again.
Having this experience of myself, of my essence completely isolated from everything and everyone, has settled deep within me. They say that the actual ceremony remains afterwards, in the after work. But I woke up the following day with a feeling that the biggest change had already occurred. Something had been moved around inside my head, and it was already integrated. It makes sense to me that just like a trauma can plant itself deep in our consciousness and affect the way we think and feel, even make us sick … then a positive experience can do the opposite if it is powerful enough. I am back to my normal life, but what I have experienced, cannot be unexperienced. And I can recall the feelings and thoughts when I need them and enhance them every time I do it.
When people ask me how I feel, I say “really good” and mean it. For the first time in a long time. I am happy and feel calm and easy. I believe I’m standing strong in myself, not dependent on others or otherwise.
I am looking forward to the weekend in September, where I will be joining again and I have the courage to work with slightly darker subjects. Once more thanks and a big hug to Mireille, Jacob, Duane, Mohanad and the rest of the group who shared the experience
Marianne Dalgård Finnsdatter
The Easter ceremony was stunningly beautiful. The three shamans created a space full of good energy, singing, love and security. At no point, did I feel alone. It was all complete and professional, and I can give Mireille and Jacob the best recommendations. I must go again in a few months. And probably for the rest of my life. Shamanic tea does not solve your problems, but it opens many doors, and if you pay attention the answers are at your feet. That’s I felt anyway. Best regards, Rolf
I got both a soft, fun, psychedelic and a hard trip .. But on all fronts very rewarding and it feels like it is not finished giving yet … I have gained a greater insight into myself, both in relation to the things my intension stretched towards as well as a lot of other things.. I am in a far better connection with
myself, my spirituality and in the following days found a tremendous peace in relation to a lot within me..
It is as if I keep trying to remain open, then I still find things to work with and I am shown good roads, statements, a kind of personal battle with my demons, who needs to be put to rest ..It is certainly not my last ceremony, although it might be a while before we see each other again, after all things keep showing up, that requires my attention… But in a nice way…
Thanks for the trip and a thanks to you, Mirielle, Jacob, Mohanad and Kamilla.
I would like to share my story with you.
There will be a video up, but I do not know if everyone understands/read English here.
I’m 25, I grew up in Copenhagen. My father died when I was 4, of cancer. I was daddy’s girl, and after his death I have always felt a hole in my heart.
I felt cheated for not having a father and worst of all, I felt that he had betrayed my mother and me.
Within five years, I lost my father, grandfather and my stepfather.
In school I always felt outside, I did not fit in, did not have many friends.
I have had depression on/off since my early teenage years, and up to now. I’ve never been the type to talk about my problems or explain what was going on in my head.
I have always been a people pleaser, so I was easily manipulated, just hoping to fit in somewhere. Some people took advantage of that unfortunately.
I never felt good enough.
The older I became, the more true friends I got, but much of my past was still very real in me.
Around last spring, I began to feel that the wall I so strongly had built was beginning to collapse.
I could not suppress my feelings any longer and I knew that soon I had to seek some help, I just did not know how.
I cried constantly, could not be in my body anymore and was tired of fighting against myself.
My friend recommended me to come to Femø and get a 1:1 ceremony that would guide me out of my suffering and further to make a better life again.
For the ceremony I had quite high expectations, now that I had heard my friend’s story and read/heard of others.
It started with a feeling in my body, a feeling I’ve never tried before, but it was the best feeling I’ve ever had.
It was so intense that I said to my facilitator that I wanted to feel that way forever! I went in space, and forgot for a short while where I was. But quickly come “back to reality” I saw a few visual things behind my eyelids, but nothing compared to what I expected.
But I threw up … I had 3 cups at the time, but nothing was done.
The following evening we had another ceremony, but less happened than the previous day.
It was so weird … after a few hours we set out again and I got some fruit. I was uncomfortable but could not throw up no matter how far down my fingers came down (sorry haha) Suddenly, after half an hour, the visuals step forward, as if everything was drawn, somewhat difficult to explain it .. it really caught me off guard, I did not believe it would happen that night.
I got more pain inside and laid down again. No vomiting but there was a war going on inside me. My own war, all the feelings and thoughts I’ve had the last 20 years, fought at full speed with the medicine for an hour, and there were some visual images, but it was all a bit confusing, I cannot recall what I saw but thought it might be all the things I’ve been carrying around for so many years.
I am a person with extreme tendencies to mind clutter.. After an hour, both the pain and the visuals disappeared. I had a good long talk with my facilitator before I went to bed.
When I woke up the day after, I felt a huge relief in my body. I was happy and could not feel my mental pain anymore.
Was a little afraid to come home to the noise and people (living on Amager), but as soon as I put my feet on the main train station, I could again feel the drug working in me, and it gave a huge reassurance in the knowledge that aya fit me in this bustling city.
Could feel the medication still 2 days later ..
So, the message is little in this story that you do not know what to expect.
I really thought I was going to be sent away, but it was not meant to be like that, I had to learn to accept the past, know that I am loved and remember to love myself!
One and a half week later, I have gone back to work, I do the things I used to do (in small doses of course) I am happy, not because I must be stimulated by people or material things, but just because! I am grateful for my life and everything around me. Most importantly, I feel that I am myself in a better form than ever before.
And for the first time in many months I cried OF JOY
PS. Before, I did not know if I would share my story because it is so personal, but why not? If I can face my “fear”, and share my story and may be an intermediary to another soul that can be set free from their suffering, and I will gladly do it
LOVE N’ LIGHT
I cried all the way, without being sad, it was just extremely redeeming and EVERYTHING made sense! Mother Aya was a gleaming wood and half wood, half woman. I could feel her care and she told me that she was everybody’s mother, and gave the gift as a mother to me as a mother.She planted a small seed in my womb, that I could follow, through my veins inside the body to the heart, where it exploded in love!
I do not know how long I lay there, but when she left me there was only darkness, I thought I was dying! I did nothing and had to be carried on the toilet by Jacob, and after I got into the teepee again I vomited and I vomited – and then I came out of it.I was supposed to drink again the day after, but chose to go home. The gloomy end got me to thinking: I’ll never do it again!! It was so hard!
4 weeks later I drank it again, 2 cups without vomit.On Friday, in a private ceremony with three close friends I drank again. I was crazy nervous in the week leading up to and especially before the ceremony. I spent the first 1.5 hours on the toilet, without being hit. Then it came with 700 km/h!!I was pulled straight back into the gloomy darkness, I ended up in the teepee and lay there suffering in the darkest part of my personality. I fought and fought. Did not dare let go of myself, I was afraid, feeling isolated, abandoned.. Yes, I felt everything I have had the most difficulty with in my life, and my biggest challenge will be to let go of control, so I can break through 100%! It was the toughest trip so far and yet crazy cool!I am aware that I have to drink several times more, for I HAVE to get through the gloomy side and lose control, I think it is thing controlling me and especially my tinnitus, that there is no physically reason that I have, but it has plagued me 24/7 for almost 3 years!I am deeply grateful for having met James and Mireille! They have been there for me 110%, and also afterwards, when the days are empty and my emotions sit on the outside of my clothing.I cannot explain where it is I end up, except that it is “my dark passenger” which has followed me since my childhood – and now I am ready to drink until I can let it go!Thanks for all of you who support this medicine, so we can continue to learn about ourselves and life, the world and the universe!
Words are poor in this context, but I will try as best I can.
It has been nearly two weeks since the Aya ceremony in Thy.
A truly magical place with the best hostess. I felt comfortable from the moment I walked through the door – there was just good energy from everyone.
The ceremonies were very different, Friday was a gentle start (with the emptying of both ends and a pinch of guilt and shame) where the feeling of preparing for Saturday was present.
I still find it hard to put into words the experience Saturday …. it felt as if all layers of control, and inappropriate thought operating systems I had built up through life, was ripped out, peered at and questioned.
Undressed with waves of all the dark thoughts, feelings and experiences I’ve had in my life poured in, on and out of me.
Nothing could be hidden, and I could feel other people’s pain and struggle so clearly that it gave me periodical paranoia …. as then they could of course feel me and my crap – pretty concerning, but also very beautiful indeed.
It was obvious that several took a trip in the “bowl” of the group. At the same time it opened up an entirely new type of being, almost another dimension, where even the air had a different charge.
Here I felt everything, it was more real than the reality which I usually find myself in.
It was the most beautiful, most frightening, marvelous and mysterious thing I’ve tried in my life.
I look forward to exploring this room again.
We were really well looked after by Mireille, Jacob and Christian during the ceremonies.
I’ve tried 2 Aya ceremonies before, but this was the first time with Mireille and Jacob. I can only give the warmest recommendations to you that is perhaps contemplating this kind of trip. They create an incredibly safe space where everything and everyone is welcome, the most attentive, loving and competent “tour guides” one can wish for. The coolest team!!!
This medication is really a gift and I’m surprised by how much it has started subsequently.
It has given me the opportunity to work with myself on a whole new level.
To all of you wonderful people who took part in the ceremonies – I have had a deep loving traces in my soul, I am so grateful to have met you – you are fucking lovely and I’m really looking forward to travel with you again
Finally, I got acquainted with shamanic tea, a meeting I’ve been looking forward to for a long time, with a certain expectation, and I was not disappointed.I would firstly like to thank Jacob and Mireille, Duane and Mohanad, for creating a great energy in the teepee, and just to witness their dedication, love and hard work on this herbal medicine is something that inspires me great respect.
The manage to create a space where respect for the medication is in focus, and still leave room for a cozy informal atmosphere. Western shamanism, at its best ❤ ?
I have found it difficult to express my gratitude for the ceremony I was in this Saturday.
But now I will just let it run, as it is an incredible joy and love I still feel.
I had never tried Ayahuasca before but have researched for a long time (2 years) and after an incredible amount of random events, including a meeting with an old friend who had also studied the plant mother, as the only ones in our common circle of friends, you can put it mildly that I felt called to this ceremony happily with Jacob, Mirelle and Duane.
I was absolutely resolved to accept everything that was to come and I was looking forward to meeting a lot of nice people (who did not think I’m sick in the head to seek healing and teachings of cosmic proportions in a plant ceremony with psychoactive drugs as the majority treatment) and I was certainly not wrong on that point.
At the ceremony, it went a little “Sådär” to use a Swedish expression, first sip seemed best, I went completely out of the body and had a lot of visions, but nothing I could connect to anything in my life and then it was over before I navigated around.
So I told myself that for once is not enough, and next time I shall have two ceremonies so I can get “something done”, but then I still do not know that it was “that little” because when I got home that there came the wildest stream of love for me and I know it was built up throughout the day from all the wonderful ceremony participants, leaders and helpers and I could not get enough of talking to all my near and dear to tell how important they were for me .
I felt again, something I had experienced when I once took mushrooms, one unity with everything and such love as being “too much” so much that it bursts out in full tears, inconsolable crying, but of joy and well-being of science that everything is ok, and it will be ok.
So, a big thank you to all of you who were in the teepee that Saturday and hopefully see you soon.
I do not yet have a clear picture of what I needed to learn, but much has fallen into place in the weeks after a special weekend.I attended for a number of reasons, both as support of my best friend in her journey, but for myself it was probably a little unclear.
Something about getting to know myself better, to experience letting go or perhaps something completely different.
For I have always had a tremendous insight and been really good at reflecting and work on myself. Or so I thought. Oh my, how blissful I have been.The first evening was a blast of information, understanding, love, ego-death, self-understanding, community and belonging to the universe.
All this was experiences without words, accompanied by the wildest beautiful patterns of mind.Strong emotions and realizations that I deep in my heart knew was real and which was part of a pool of knowledge we can all delve into. Mireille and Jacobs role in this fantastic inferno cannot be described.
Beautiful, beautiful singing and thumping energy and fellowship with everyone else present in the room was sublime. I came to myself with a deep sense of love and relief.The second evening was conducted differently. After a day of confidence and sharing all of us in between, I was actually pretty sure that I would get another ride in the happy realization slide and looked forward to it, but had no expectations and was actually in doubt about what my intention for it all was.It was so for a ride through the deepest recesses of my own mind. And in all others. Everything ugly myself and everyone else ever had been hiding, came up and out. Evil, guilt, shame, self-hatred and especially anxiety. Real mortal fear. And it just had to get out. Out of body and out of mind.Toward the end anxiety was relieved and in came love again. But this time it was completely clean and without reservation. Especially Mireille sat and sang so beautifully, I could feel an incredible energy from her. It beamed from her beautiful light.
And it was day. And the reality of it all. And all these amazing people went home, each to his own, and I sat in my house and felt the aftermath of something unique that still hung in the air. My thoughts moved still between limbo and extreme happiness. And this continued for many days. And to some extent still does.But from a foggy experience, that feels like a dream, it’s all falling into place and I begin to understand what I needed it for.First of all, I have wondered why I was not just constant wildly happy, now everything should indeed be solved and I had nothing that nagged at me in the experience.
Next, I have been quite surprised that I, instead of being even more hippie and tolerant, suddenly experienced that I say no to a rude colleague, I cry to the play at my son’s school, I feel that I understand my sweet neighbor’s pain as she committed suicide last week by throwing herself in front of a train, saying to some people who know me through the scouts, that I have a shitty day and they must take me as I am that day, and a lot of other things to which I have responded wildly outlandish compared to what I normally do.I know myself as the eternal optimist, a bit anti-confrontational, but only to maintain the good tone, private and reticent about my feelings and a general ease. Everything is just turned upside down and instead to keep the good tone, I say no when something does not suit me, I feel that I do not put up with anything, and no one can be allowed to see that whether I have control over my shit.For I suddenly do not care what others think about me. I’m not afraid of not getting recognition: I have no further need for everyone to like me. I like myself and I know my worth, and I say no to something that does not feel right, I may push some people away, but it is irrelevant.That’s what I got out of it, on a very personal level. The whole is still falling into place, but I also got an overall understanding of everybody’s common task. We are put here on earth with an intention.
Our own and our common. We must learn to love ourselves and each other. More love and less mudslinging.When someone misbehaves, be it a sour stranger in the supermarket, your parents, girlfriend, stupid politicians who eats their own cake, then we have to say no, knowing that we are worth more and try to change for the better.Go wholeheartedly into resolving conflicts, understanding and grasp that we are all on this planet, made of the exact same substance. We all have basically the same desire for success and when we meet someone who are lost in their quest, then we will help them get back on track.We do this by saying no, but also lovingly guide and share our own understanding and realization.